Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. … Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/) In today’s world this will become more difficult as time goes by. But at the same time, it will become more important too. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. (https://www.mayoclinic.org/) As everyone knows we all need as much peace as we can possibly find. There are three types of forgiveness which are Exoneration, Forbearance and Release. Exoneration essentially means that the slate is completely wiped clean and the relationship is fully restored to its previous sense of innocence. Basically, exoneration means to “forgive and forget. It is very difficult for most of us to truly exonerate anyone for their offenses. Forbearance applies when an offender either makes a partial apology or lessens their apology by suggesting that you are also partially to blame for their wrongdoing. They may even explicitly state that you did something to cause them to behave badly. How many of us have experienced this or been guilty of it. Release is the lowest level of forgiveness and applies to situations in which the person who hurt you has never acknowledged any wrongdoing. He or she has either never apologized or has offered an incomplete or insincere apology. (https://fulllifereflections.com/) This tends to happen many times everyday if you are dealing with people. Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. Forgiveness allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge. (https://goodmenproject.com/) Anger, hostile feelings, and disgust can cause illness, ulcers, high blood pressure, and many other ills. Forgiveness helps us to let go of the offense’s others have done to us. It helps us to have better relationships. It brings peace to our spiritual being. and It gives you good health. Forgiveness does not erase the past, but looks upon it with compassion. To withhold forgiveness keeps alive emotions of hurt, anger and blame which discolor your perception of life. Forgiveness liberates the soul and it removes fear, that is why it is such a powerful weapon. (https://medium.com/) Forgiveness is not necessary to “move on.” It’s not even necessary in order to feel compassion or love for someone. In fact, more often than not, in the instances when forgiveness is prescribed (severe betrayal, severe hurt/abuse, severe tragedy, severe trauma), it’s actually harmful to the person needing to heal. (https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/)
“Consider the costs of not forgiving. Not forgiving someone often leads to hostility towards that person, and your anger and bitterness can seep into other parts of your life. Hostility keeps levels of the stress hormone cortisol elevated in your body, which can trigger a whole range of bad outcomes, including high blood pressure, immune system issues and a tendency to gain weight. Holding on to hostility also has psychological consequences. It can keep you feeling like a victim, prevent you from moving past a trauma, and lead to anxiety and depression. Conversely, there’s strong research demonstrating that engaging in forgiveness reduces the cortisol circulating in your body, leading to many benefits, including lower blood pressure, cholesterol and heart attack risk, and better sleep. Forgiveness also helps you to regulate your stress response and reduce your overall level of anxiety and depression. There’s also research showing that forgiveness increases happiness in the relationship where you offered forgiveness and beyond. I think this is because forgiveness often requires soul searching, and that process can help you be more present in other relationships. (Turner, 2020) Matthew 18:21-22 states, “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” The Lords prayer also addresses the need to forgive. “We can intellectualize what forgiveness is as long as we want, but it’s a process that takes time for most. When betrayal and miscommunication inhibit our ability to forgive, it’s ok to feel those feelings. Shock and anger often come’s before forgiveness. We must first deal with the hurt feelings before moving into forgiveness. Let us respect that process – a process that can happen without us even realizing it. Sometimes by simply exploring the situation and acknowledging the impact of the betrayal, the reasons and context behind the betrayal can be the beginning blocks of forgiveness.” (Khoddam, 2014) And then Luke 6:37 reminds us to, “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven”
We as men have many faults and are in constant need of doing better. We have to remember that God has forgiven us and that we must forgive others. Psalm 103:10-14 states, “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:2-4 commends us to, “Pray then like this: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts (sins/trespasses), as we also have forgiven our debtors (sin against us/trespassed against us). And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'”
Khoddam, R. (2014, 9 14). Psychology Today. Retrieved from The Psychology of Forgiveness : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-addiction-connection/201409/the-psychology-forgiveness
Turner, M. (2020). Kaiser Permanente. Retrieved from The Health Benifits of Forgiveness: https://wa-health.kaiserpermanente.org/forgiveness-health-benefits/