We all have a personality that controls our everyday lives. We succeed or fail depending on our attitude, interactions, and relationships. How do we look at each other, and how do people look at us? Are we pleasant, engaging, fun, or overbearing, demanding, and abusive? Our successes and happiness depend on all these questions and circumstances.
In Romans 12:3, Paul tells us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think but to think with sober judgment according to the measure God assigned. In Proverbs 16:18, Solomon tells us that pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. At some point, we all can be guilty of excessive and overbearing pride that can only be described as arrogance. Some take this to the next level of narcissism. Narcissism is a mental disorder, and arrogance is a behavioral disorder. The arrogant person craves attention and personal favor. The Narcissist craves admiration and power. The sixth-century prophet Obadiah drafted the Book of Obadiah, warning that God would destroy those who practiced pride and violence. In Obadiah 1:3, he writes, “The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, in your lofty dwelling, who say in your heart, who will bring me down to the ground?” Obidiah compares the people’s attitude to being eagles, but their pride will bring them down to earth. Second, Timothy, in chapter 3, warns that people will be lovers of self (arrogant), lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, and unholy. Obadiah and Timothy describe arrogance and narcissism in no uncertain terms.
True arrogance and narcissism can be changed, and a person can recover their character and reputation. But like so many personality and mental disorders, the person has to make a genuine and sincere effort and repent for their negative past. The changes will be challenging but possible. The first thing that needs to start changing is admitting that there are problems. Individuals must learn to appreciate themselves and not be critical of themselves or others. The individual must learn to allow others to take the lead in most activities. The arrogant person must ask for help from family and friends. An arrogant individual must learn to respect others and to let go of their superior attitude and ego. Overcoming the arrogant personality will be a slow process requiring self-awareness and patience. The narcissistic person has more of a challenge than the arrogant person because narcissism is a mental issue rather than a personality trait. Egocentric people will have trouble seeing that they have a problem. There must be the realization that the problem exists and must be addressed and changed. Almost always, the actual narcissistic individual will need professional help to overcome this issue. Professional help will concentrate on helping the individual commit to the change. The individual and the professional will work toward finding empathy through self-reflection and cultivating a new way to think about other people and their feelings. This therapy will be a slow process, but it can be successful, given time. Narcissistic individuals are known as having no affection or feelings toward others. With proper effort, the ability to feel for others can be restored. But the narcissistic person has to be truly sincere and want to change before any efforts are successful. Unfortunately, the diehard narcissist can use therapy to manipulate his surroundings and take advantage of those who are trying to help. Proverbs 26:24-26 warns, “Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.” Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.” And later, Ecclesiastes 7:1 reminds us, “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.” We are known to others by our reputation. Reputation is influenced by public opinion and can change quickly. How others perceive you may be vital if you are a public figure or if you depend on others for your well-being. Many people spend their lives working on their reputation and how they look to the public. Reputation depends on a person’s actions and behavior and what people think they know about the person. Reputation is always subjective and very fragile. Living by your reputation alone is a dangerous proposition. Political changes, public attitudes, rumors, and the attitudes of those you associate with can boost or ruin a reputation with no warning. Character is what a person truly is and what can be counted on from one day to the next. Character is the moral inherent qualities God has allowed a person to develop without concern for what other people think. A person’s character comprises integrity, foundational identity, and true beliefs. A person’s character can have tremendous positive qualities or negative traits. The individual controls being friendly, honest, loyal, and worthy of other people’s friendship. The individual can also decide to be selfish, deceitful, and dishonest. A person of high character will succeed before a person of low character. In Matthew 5, Jesus emphasizes the importance of good character by saying, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Jesus encourages us to live in a way that reflects God’s goodness and love for others.