Self-Control
Proverbs 25:28 tells us that, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Oxford Languages dictionary defines self-control as “the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.” This sounds pretty simple. So why is it so hard to be in control all the time? Galatians 5:19-25 tries to answer this by stating and warning, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” “Displaying self-control is often a matter of responding rather than reacting. When we react to a situation, we let our emotions take control. We are more likely to become defensive and say hurtful things. Responding, however, involves developing a thoughtful response that is guided by reason more than emotions. As Christians, our responses to situations are to be guided by the fruits of the Spirit. Jesus Christ gives us the perfect example of self-control because He lived a sinless life and possessed every fruit of the Spirit. Jesus demonstrated self-control because He was sent to earth to carry out the Father’s will. He was to live a perfect life in order to set an example for us, and in the end, He died for our sins so that we may have eternal life.” (Abraham, 2019)
1 Corinthians 10:13 assures us that, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Successful people have the capability to supersede impulses that conflict with their long-term goals. Problems such as overeating, overspending, smoking, alcohol or drug abuse, procrastination, and unethical behavior are avoided by those with self-control. Folks that maintain self-control usually have a higher self-esteem and are more satisfied with their lives and experience a more meaningful existence. These facts go into a person being better satisfied, healthier, and more stable in their careers and finances. “An ability to override short-term impulses that conflict with long-term goals is a hallmark of successful people. But is resisting temptation always beneficial? A small but growing body of research has begun to illuminate a dark side of self-control. Self-control can restrict emotional experiences. It can lead to long-term regret. It can lead to burnout. It can lead to ethical transgressions and discrimination. Self-control is an important tactic for reaching one’s goals. However, instead of treating self-control as the sole determinant of happiness and success, we need to view it in the broader context of the self in a more holistic way.” (Stavrova, 2020) “While there are many ways that having high self-control can be advantageous, research indicates that when it comes to self-control, we can in fact have “too much of a good thing.” An ability to inhibit one’s impulses, follow rules, and sacrifice personal needs to achieve a long-term goal can have many benefits; however, problems can arise when these qualities are rigidly applied without regard for appropriateness of context. In fact, research shows that excessive self-control is associated with interpersonal isolation, intense emotional loneliness, and difficulty connecting with others, and has also been linked to a number of severe and difficult to treat mental health diagnoses including chronic depression, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.” (Gorder, 2019) It is said that holding your emotions in and not allowing your feeling/emotions to show can cause ulcers, stomach problems, lower gastrointestinal problems, and a variety of other ailments. So, it seems maybe we need to allow ourselves the luxury of blowing off steam. Ephesians 4:26 agrees with blowing off a little steam by stating, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” This does not say scream and thrashes about, but to allow your emotions to be shown in a controlled manner. This is probably one of the more difficult things about self-control. Allowing anger to boil over and still maintain control. The bomb squad uses a very complicated formula to calculate the size of a controlled detonation of explosives. When the formula is wrong, a catastrophic explosion can occur like the incident on June 30th in Los Angles where officials significantly underestimated the weight of the devices before they exploded, injuring 17 people in a South L.A. neighborhood. When we do not control our emotions, a destructive event can also occur.
“The present research suggests that high trait self-control is linked to avoiding, rather than merely resisting, temptation. People high in trait self-control reported engaging in behaviors thought to minimize (or avoid) temptation to a greater extent than people low in trait self-control. (Ent, 2015) Psychologists try to explain why we do what we do and sometimes it is simple to state an idea but almost always impossible to make it understandable. Generally, self-control is the ability to control our behavior to avoid some temptation or to reach a goal or desired outcome. Self-control is also the ability to not succumb to a desire or action that we know will end badly or is just wrong. Being able to say no to your friends that want to stop after work for a drink, or not punching the loudmouth at work in the mouth shows self-control. By not participating in these bad behaviors a person is showing good judgment and self-control. It could be said that having a good handle on knowing right from wrong will help strengthen a person’s self-control. Paul re-enforces self-control and good judgment in a letter to the Christians in Ephesus in Ephesians 4:31-32 by stating, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
We are again instructed how self-control is important in 2 Peter 1:5-7 that states, “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” We are then shown the importance of self-control in 1 Peter 4:7 that states, “The end of all things is at hand; therefore, be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” “Self-control is having the ability to exercise restraint over your impulses, emotions, or desires at the appropriate time. Everyone has been in a situation where it may have been difficult to exercise restraint or control over our emotions. … Self-control means learning how to control one’s feelings.” (Kirby, 2021) We have seen self-control, self-discipline, and temptation, and willpower. Each has a unique definition but they are all very closely related. Self-discipline is structured and well thought out and usually consistent by setting a goal and staying with it. Temptation is the internal fight between right and wrong, which is controlled by self-discipline and self-control. Willpower is a sudden burst of energy and for the moment seems powerful and defined. But after all, is said and done self-discipline has more focus than willpower. But a strong, well-defined, and mature self-control will win the day. We should remember 2 Timothy 1:7 that states, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
Abraham, L. (2019, 1 26). Grand Canyon. Retrieved from Fruit of the Spirit – Self Control: https://www.gcu.edu/blog/spiritual-life/weekly-devotional-fruit-spirit-self-control
Ent, M. (2015, 2). Science Direct. Retrieved from Trait Self Control and Avoidance of Temptations: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886914005339
Gorder, J. (2019, 1 4). Eating Disorders. Retrieved from Radical Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy of Anorexia Nervosa: Clinical Applications in a Nutshell: https://www.edcatalogue.com/radically-open-dialectical-behavior-therapy-ro-dbt-anorexia-nervosa-clinical-applications-nutshell/
Kirby, S. (2021, 2 26). Better Help. Retrieved from Self Control: Definition and How to Have It: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/willpower/self-control-definition-and-how-to-have-it/
Stavrova, M. K. (2020, 1 16). Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from The Dark Side of Self Control: https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-dark-side-of-self-control