Life is Not Fair – How do We Cope

You have just had a day that you never want to experience again. Everything you touched broke, everyone you talked to caused you stress, and no matter where you went there was another problem that somehow became your problem. You finally get home for the peace and quiet and solitude that your home generally offers from the world, but you walk into a house in shambles, the kids are yelling, your spouse is at their wit’s end and the dog is barking at an imaginary foe. How do handle this stress is how you cope with life’s problems. Coping styles will determine if you grab a cup of tea and retire to the back deck for some wind-down time or do you get in the car and visit the pub down the street? Do you try to fix or eliminate the stress, blame someone, hide from the issues, or just wish it would disappear? Stress and lack of coping abilities can cause a person to make many mistakes and cost a person financially and in relationships.
Divorce, alcoholism, drug use, and many social problems come from poor coping skills. No one has a perfect life and it is very important that we all learn to cope and control stress. Having good coping skills helps to navigate through the challenges and disappointment we all face. We have all been told that “life is not fair” but that doesn’t mean we should just accept it and not try to make thing better. Jennifer Golbeck, Ph.D. in the December 9, 2015 issue of “Psychology Today” suggest these eight coping measures. “(1) Confrontive Coping describes taking aggressive efforts to change the situation to the point of being risky and antagonistic. (2) Distancing is where you detach yourself from the situation and try to minimize its significance. (3) Self-Controlling is where you try to control your own feelings in response to the stress. (4) Seeking Social Support means you look to friends for emotional or other types of support. (5) Accepting Responsibility shows you acknowledge your role in the problem and you want to make it better. (6) Escape-Avoidance is what you do when you’re trying to avoid dealing with the problem. (7) Planful Problem Solving is coping through analysis and planning to resolve the situation. (8) Positive Reappraisal means you try to grow from the experience of dealing with the stress.”
The Free Dictionary by Farlex states “any characteristic or behavior pattern that enhances a person’s adaptation. Coping skills include a stable value or religious belief system, problem-solving, social skills, health-energy, and commitment to a social network.” Regardless of the sources of your stress, everyone needs to develop coping skills that will reduce and help control stress. Uncontrolled stress will cause physical and mental health issues if not addressed properly. Philippians 4:6-7 suggest a strong coping skill that works for all of us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Everything is easier when God is involved.