The Path to REACH Forgiveness
We forgive our children, we forgive our friends, and we ask for forgiveness in many ways every day. But what goes into forgiving someone and do we ever really forgive someone. When we get our feelings hurt is it really our feelings that we are experiencing, or is it anger that we feel? Many times, people will tell people that they have had their feelings hurt but the truth is they have been angered by someone or something. We have been taught that anger is a terrible thing and mature and intelligent people control their anger. Anger is an emotion just like all the other emotions that we humans are subject to experience. When we are angry or had our feelings hurt how do we get past this in a healthy way and let go of this negative emotion?
Last week a friend of mine asked that I participate in a classroom setting where he was going to do a practicum for his Doctorate Program. The subject was Forgiveness using Dr. Everett Worthington’s R.E.A.C.H. Method. Dr. Worthington works in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University and has developed this method over a period of years. R.E.A.C.H. stands for “Recall the hurt”, “Empathize with your partner”, Altruistic gift”, Commit”, and “Hold onto forgiveness”. Dr. Worthington tells us we should face the fact we have been hurt and identify the hurt, then we need to put ourselves into the other person chair pretending that we are them, then the forgiveness has to be an unselfish altruistic gift, this gift has to be given in such a way that it will not be asked for back and have a commitment attached for the future, and finally this commitment can have no doubt attached tempting us to recall or doubt the sincerity of the gesture.
This all sounds good but what does it really mean. First, it probably means something different to each person. But it should mean that with a proper state of mind we can all forgive others for their transgression against us. Forgiveness must be a conscious effort in that we cannot forgive someone by accident or half way. Forgiveness must be honest and without motives. It must have a commitment that the forgiver can live with from now forward. The act of forgiveness should allow the person the opportunity to let go of a problem, be able to show some grace, gain a certain peace of mind, and feel as if they are truly bigger than the problem. The word “Forgiven” appears 17 times in the Old Testament and 28 times in the New Testament. In Matthew, Jesus says that church members should forgive each other “seventy times seven times” (18:22), a number that symbolizes boundlessness. Everyone has probably heard the old saying that a “ton of weight was lifted off my back”. Old saying become old sayings because they are true. Bad thoughts and grudges are heavy and costly. Think About it.